Category: Parody

  • #SprayerHaiku

    #SprayerHaiku

    On the morning of February 27, 2016 (a Saturday) a Twitter conversation sprung up that deserved to be captured in an article. Tom was waiting in the Prince Edward Island Airport with time on his hands and I was home in Southern Ontario. He dropped me a line on twitter, and I responded. When two creative people have an idyll conversation, you can count on it going sideways – you just never know how.

    In this case, one of us wrote a short poem about spraying. Don’t judge… we like what we do so this is what we call “fun”. We noticed it was very much like a Haiku. Here’s a definition snatched from Wikipedia:

    The haiku is a Japanese verse in three lines. Line one has 5 syllables, line two has 7 syllables and line three has 5 syllables. Haiku is a mood poem and it doesn’t use any metaphors or similes.”

    They’re often quite beautiful and evocative of natural scenes… ours assuredly weren’t. They were, however, pretty darn funny and a couple bordered on clever! As we fired them back and forth, others jumped into the conversation with #SprayerHaiku of their own.

    And so, for posterity, and in no particular order, here are the poems that flew through Twitter that Saturday. Snap your fingers appreciatively.

    Spray hits canopy
    Drops bounce, move, try to find way
    Stochastic forces.

    Beautiful hills, slopes
    Speed goes up, down constantly
    PWM

    Drops in canopy
    Lots on top, few in bottom
    Sorry, that’s normal.

    Your goal: more acres.
    You want to drive really fast.
    Don’t! Fill fast instead.

    Clear skies early morn.
    Temperature Inversion!
    Don’t dare spray right now.

    His girlfriend was wrong.
    Three inch very effective
    for sprayer fill line.

    Spray boom like bird wings:
    Proper distance just theory,
    without height control.

    Agitator churns.
    Chemistry runs through plumbing.
    Protecting our crops

    Nozzles spray gently.
    Some drops coarse, many too small.
    Pressure and speed fall

    Spray cloud flows downhill
    in the peaceful morning calm.
    Dangerous beauty

    Pressure reads 50
    on the fancy new touchscreen.
    Should you believe it?

    Just trying to do
    my best. Haikus make you think.
    This will work out well.

    Sprayer moves swiftly
    across green plain, swath by swath,
    protecting young crop.

    Spray drift is real bad
    says everyone all the time.
    Well, it’s very true!

    My tank is Jell-O.
    Mixing is not the problem.
    Just blame the chem rep.
    (@PennerBrian)

    Seriously these
    Haikus need to be a thing.
    Lots of potential.
    (@jddyck)

    Filled tank in minutes.
    Now filters are full of sh!t.
    Productivity?
    (@PennerBrian)

    Spring sun melting snow
    Walking yard in rubber boots
    We’ll calibrate soon.

    Small targets, small drops
    And for large targets, large drops.
    That’s my rule of thumb.

  • A.I. Pressure – Parody

    A.I. Pressure – Parody

    Sung to the tune of “Under Pressure” by Queen

    Pressure!
    Pushing down on spray
    Heading down the boom
    (movin’ so far)

    Under pressure
    It brings the droplets down
    Splits a canopy in two
    Puts product on leaves

    More P S I
    More P S I
    Or bar works
    Or bar works
    That’s okay!

    It’s a terror not knowing
    what pressure’s about
    Watchin’ the product
    come dribblin’ out

    Rate controllers:
    set them higher
    Pressure-up nozzles,
    it’s what A.I needs

    Set A.I. high
    >fifty P S I
    OK!

    Drivin’ around
    got my pedal to the floor
    But when I slow
    it doesn’t spray, but it pours

    Pressure makes spray
    from Air Induction OK!

  • Drift in the Wind – Parody

    Drift in the Wind – Parody

    Sung to the tune of “Dust in the Wind” by Kansas

    I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the spray is gone

    All my drops pass before my eyes, oh no – a drift complaint

    Drift in the wind

    All it is is drift in the wind

    Same old spray, just a tank of product in an endless field

    2,4-D tumbles in the air though we refuse to see

    Drift in the wind

    All we do is drift in the wind

    Oh, ho, ho

    Now, don’t hang on, drops don’t last forever, they evaporate

    They slip away, and all your money too, in drifter court

    Drift in the wind

    All we cause is drift in the wind

    All we do is drift in the wind

    Drift in the wind

    Everything is drift in the wind

    Everything is drift in the wind

    The wind

  • 50 Ways to Get Good Coverage – Parody

    50 Ways to Get Good Coverage – Parody

    50 Ways To Get Good Coverage

    Sung to the tune of “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” by Paul Simon.

    The problem is all inside your barley canopy

    The answer’s easy if you find it empirically

    I’d like to help in your quest for efficacy

    There must be fifty ways to get good coverage

    She said it’s really not my habit to intrude

    Furthermore, I hope my application won’t be lost or misconstrued

    But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being crude

    There must be fifty ways to get good coverage

    Fifty ways to get good coverage

    Lower the boom, June

    Get a new fan, Stan

    You don’t need to drive slow, Bo

    Just get yourself drops

    Jack up the press, Bess

    You don’t need to discuss much

    Just get a new tip, Skip

    And get yourself drops

    She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain

    I wish there was something I could do to give you pest control again

    I said I appreciate that and would you please explain

    About the fifty ways

    She said why don’t we both just spray a bit tonight

    And watch inversion drift in the morning light

    And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right

    There must be fifty ways to get good coverage

    Fifty ways to get good coverage

    Buy Agrifac, Jack

    Get a good gauge, Paige

    You might need to drive slow, Joe

    Just get yourself drops

    Do calibrate, Nate

    You don’t need to discuss much

    Just do a good job, Bob

    And get yourself drops