Category: Parody

  • Larry the Low-Drift Nozzle – Parody

    Larry the Low-Drift Nozzle – Parody

    Bridgette Readel (@BMReadel) is back! This time singing that holiday classic “Larry the Low-Drift Nozzle”! Read the lyrics and then head to the bottom of the article to enjoy Bridgette’s rendition.

    You know Flat Fan and Flood Jet and Pulse Width and Wilger,
    Hypro and Greenleaf and TeeJet and Lechler.
    But do you recall
    The most famous nozzle of all?

    Larry the low-drift nozzle
    Had a very “big-drop” spray
    And if you ever saw it
    You’d never see it drift away.

    All of the other nozzles
    Used to laugh and call him names
    They never let poor Larry
    Join them on their spray boom frames.

    Then one windy summer’s eve
    Farmer came to say
    “Larry with your spray so coarse
    Won’t you fight this gusty force?”

    Then how the neighbours loved him
    As they shouted out with glee
    “Larry the low-drift nozzle
    Stewardship for chemistry!”

  • Oh the Places You’ll Spray – Parody

    Oh the Places You’ll Spray – Parody

    Enjoy our take on a Dr. Seuss work-of-art. We’re sure the fine doctor would want to end resistant pig weed’s reign of terror as much as we do. Hear us recite it in the sound bar, read it yourself, or head to the bottom of the article to see the talented Bridgette Readel (@bmreadel) read it for you. Enjoy!

    Press Play to hear the audio version of this article

    In the home farm’s west field,
    where the soybeans won’t grow,
    and the wind blows the soil from deep tillage you know,
    and no pollinators come, excepting old crows
    is the patch of resistant pigweed.

    And downhill in the boundary, some neighbours say,
    if you look close enough you can still see today,
    where herbicide persisted,
    in the places it drifted,
    from the winds that took it away.

    How did it drift?
    How did it get there?
    And why was it lifted and taken somewhere
    from the home farm’s west field where the soybeans won’t grow?
    Look to the sprayer.
    Look close, and you’ll know.

    You won’t see Coarse nozzles.
    You will see high booms
    that wobble and bounce on a sprayer that zooms
    in headwinds too high
    in the late afternoon.
    They may even spray by the light of the moon!

    Check the chemical shed.
    Crack the door, just a fraction.
    You’re likely to see
    A lone mode of action.

    “Tell me how,” says the farmer
    “I’ll do what you say.”
    “But I only have so many hours in the day
    to spray the west field where the soybeans won’t grow,
    and battle the pigweed that simply won’t go.”

    “Oh the things you can do! So much can be done!”
    “Learn to spray in light winds, in the day, in the sun!”
    “Lower booms, use more water, use droplets so Coarse.”
    “We’ve told you before…
    (you will note we are hoarse.)”

    The farmer said nothing, just gave us a glance.
    We could tell he was thinking of time, effort and cash.
    “Driving slow improves coverage,
    and you can make up the time,
    with faster fills, longer booms, and more precise A-B lines.”

    That was long, long ago.
    Let’s check in today,
    and see if the problems have withered away.

    In the home farm’s west field,
    where the soybeans now grow,
    and cover crops cling to the soil down below,
    the pollinators buzz because drift doesn’t blow.

  • If I had a Million Dollars – Parody

    If I had a Million Dollars – Parody

    If I had a Million Dollars

    Sung to the Tune of “If I had a Million Dollars” by The Barenaked Ladies

     

    If I had a million dollars

    (If I had a million dollars)

     

    Well, I’d buy you a farm

    (I would buy you a farm)

     

    And if I had a million dollars

    (If I had a million dollars)

    I’d buy you equipment for your farm

    Maybe a SeedHawk or a ConservaPak

     

    And if I had a million dollars

    (If I had a million dollars)

    Well, I’d buy you a K-Hart

    A nice no-till disk opener

    And if I had a million dollars, I’d buy hybrid seed

     

    If I had a million dollars

    I’d build a tender truck for our farm

    (If I had a million dollars)

    You could help

    You wouldn’t do no harm

     

    If I had a million dollars

    Maybe we could put a three inch pump

    In there somewhere

    We could just go there and fill up sprayers

    Like go on the deck and stuff

    And there’d all be totes and adjuvants laid out for us

    Like little solu-packs and things

    DuPont has solu-pack Group 2s

    But Dow doesn’t have dry Frontline

    Well, can you blame them?

    Yeah!

     

    If I had a million dollars

    (If I had a million dollars)

    Well, I’d buy you a sprayer

    But not a Gregson sprayer, that’s cruel

     

    And if I had a million dollars

    (If I had a million dollars)

    Well, I’d buy you a low-drift tip

    Yep, like an AirMix or a Wilger

     

    And if I had a million dollars

    (If I had a million dollars)

    Well, I’d buy you special fertilizers

    All them crazy micronutrient claims

     

    And if I had a million dollars I’d buy your leftover Score

    (If I had a million dollars)

    We wouldn’t have to walk to the store

    If I had a million dollars

    We’d take the Peterbilt, ’cause it costs more

     

    If I had a million dollars

    We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft Dinner

    But we never did

    Of course we didn’t, we had home cooking

    And real gravy, not ketchup

    That’s right, real gravy made from drippings

     

    If I had a million dollars

    (If I had a million dollars)

    Well, I’d buy you a used sprayer

    But not a SpraCoupe sprayer, that’s cruel

     

    And if I had a million dollars

    (If I had a million dollars)

    Well, I’d buy you a drone

    A Phantom, or AgEagle

     

    If I had a million dollars

    (If I had a million dollars)

    Well, I’d buy you a GrainVac

    Haven’t you always wanted a GrainVac?

     

    If I had a million dollars

    I’d stop your drift

    If I had a million dollars

    If I had a million dollars

    If I had a million dollars

    If I had a million dollars

    If I had a million dollars

    I would farm!

  • Sprayers Haiku 2017

    Sprayers Haiku 2017

    In 2016 we asked the Twitterverse to play along as we wrote sprayer poems in the form of haiku. The response was tremendous and the poems were so well done. We scooped them up into an article called #SprayerHaiku.

    Well, we couldn’t help ourselves. On a nostaglic impulse, we did it again in 2017 and our Twitter followers rose to the occasion with a new batch of thoughtful Haiku! While we admit that a few people miscounted the syllables (5-7-5) their efforts make them worthy of a reprint.

    The best submission, @HortGuy85, won a Sprayers101 Mug! It was his Yoda meme that put him over the top. You’ll have to read all the way to the end to see it.

    Do I spray or not
    Follow thresholds for guidance
    Not rocket science
    (@TraceyBaute)

    Have pesticide spill?
    Protect yourself first and call
    Spills Action Centre.
    (@ONspraysafety)

    Two sprayer experts
    With a new mug up for grabs
    Making poets of farmers
    (@megnmoran)

    Keep out after spray
    Restricted Entry Interval
    Tell others always
    (@ONspraysafety)

    When spraying your crop,
    Don’t forget to #MixItUp
    Spray multiple Groups
    (@Bayer4CropsCa)

    Modify water,
    use the proper adjuvants,
    droplet on target
    (@edakag1)

    (To the tune of Red Solo Cup)
    Their green soybeans cupped,
    I shouldn’t have filled you up,
    Their lawyers’ party!
    (@ZRAgri)

    Fine droplets drift off
    Float on the pre-dawn still air
    Keeping me employed
    (@Spraydriftgirl)

    Dicamba Nozzles:
    Use TTI Ultra Coarse
    Xtend the boom
    (@Johannaburrows)

    I know two rinses
    After spraying Odyssey
    Still nukes Canola
    (@DavidKucher)

    Roses are red,
    Violets may be blue,
    They need spraying too
    (@HortResearchKTT)

    Assume tomatoes
    Will be injured if even
    They smell dicamba
    (@ontariotomato)

    Spray on autosteer
    but watch for field obstacles
    ****, down for repairs
    (@ontariotomato)

    Driving sprayer fast
    Does not save as much time as
    Filling, cleaning fast.

    Sprayer slows at turn,
    Pressure drops, gaps in the spray.
    Minimum 2 bar.

    Dry, still, cloudless eve
    Why did my pesticide drift?
    Thermal inversion.

    Single tank rinse
    After spraying dicamba
    Too much residue

    Contorted will be
    Your berry growing career
    If Tordon you use
    (@HortGuy85)

  • Pallet of Roundup – Parody

    Pallet of Roundup – Parody

    Pallet of Roundup

    Sung to the tune of “Stairway to Heaven”, by Spirit…..er, Led Zeppelin

     

     

    There’s a farmer who’s sure all canola is gold

    And she’s buying a pallet of Roundup.

    When she gets there she knows, if the Co-op’s all closed

    With an axe she can get what she came for.

    Ooh, ooh, now she’s stealing a pallet of Roundup.

     

    There’s a tweet on her phone but she wants to be sure

    ‘Cause you know how few words have no meaning.

    She hurries on-line to hear a scientist pine:

    “Sometimes glyphosate causes resistance.”

     

    Ooh, it makes me wonder,

    Ooh, it makes me wonder.

     

    There’s a feeling I get when I look to the shed,

    And my John Deere is crying for spraying.

    In my thoughts I have seen clouds of drift through the trees,

    And the voices of hipsters from T’rawno.

     

    Ooh, it makes me wonder,

    Ooh, it really makes me wonder.

     

    And it’s whispered that soon, if we all call the tune,

    Weed resistance will lead us to reason.

    And a new day will dawn for crop rota-tion,

    And the fields they will be more di-verse.

     

    If there’s a kochia in your hedgerow, don’t be alarmed now,

    Glufosinate will probably get it clean.

    Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run

    There’s still time to change your crop sequence.

    And it makes me wonder.

     

    Your Handler’s foaming and it won’t slow, in case you don’t know,

    The sprayer’s calling you to join it,

    Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know

    Your pallet waits at the CPS?

     

    And as we spray on down the field

    Our booms higher than our yield.

    There walks a corporation we all know

    Who shines white light and wants to show

    How everything’s still controlled by Roundup.

    And if you listen to research

    The truth will come to you at last.

    When integrated weed management

    Protects us from weed resistance.

     

    And she’s buying a pint of Roundup.