If I had a Million Dollars – Parody

Written by

Tom Wolf

in

Key takeaways
  • Buy you a farm and all the equipment so we can farm together, no harm, just honest hard work.
  • Spend on seeding and tillage gear like SeedHawk, ConservaPak, K-Hart no-till opener, plus hybrid seed for better yields.
  • Build a tender truck, install a pump to fill sprayers, stock totes, solu-packs, adjuvants, and other spray supplies.
  • Buy a quality sprayer and low-drift tips like AirMix or Wilger, but not a cruel Gregson or SpraCoupe.
  • Splurge on modern toys: drones like Phantom or AgEagle, a GrainVac, stop drift, and simply farm with real gravy.

This text was generated by OpenAI GPT 5 Mini

If I had a Million Dollars

Sung to the Tune of “If I had a Million Dollars” by The Barenaked Ladies

 

If I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

 

Well, I’d buy you a farm

(I would buy you a farm)

 

And if I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

I’d buy you equipment for your farm

Maybe a SeedHawk or a ConservaPak

 

And if I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I’d buy you a K-Hart

A nice no-till disk opener

And if I had a million dollars, I’d buy hybrid seed

 

If I had a million dollars

I’d build a tender truck for our farm

(If I had a million dollars)

You could help

You wouldn’t do no harm

 

If I had a million dollars

Maybe we could put a three inch pump

In there somewhere

We could just go there and fill up sprayers

Like go on the deck and stuff

And there’d all be totes and adjuvants laid out for us

Like little solu-packs and things

DuPont has solu-pack Group 2s

But Dow doesn’t have dry Frontline

Well, can you blame them?

Yeah!

 

If I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I’d buy you a sprayer

But not a Gregson sprayer, that’s cruel

 

And if I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I’d buy you a low-drift tip

Yep, like an AirMix or a Wilger

 

And if I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I’d buy you special fertilizers

All them crazy micronutrient claims

 

And if I had a million dollars I’d buy your leftover Score

(If I had a million dollars)

We wouldn’t have to walk to the store

If I had a million dollars

We’d take the Peterbilt, ’cause it costs more

 

If I had a million dollars

We wouldn’t have to eat Kraft Dinner

But we never did

Of course we didn’t, we had home cooking

And real gravy, not ketchup

That’s right, real gravy made from drippings

 

If I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I’d buy you a used sprayer

But not a SpraCoupe sprayer, that’s cruel

 

And if I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I’d buy you a drone

A Phantom, or AgEagle

 

If I had a million dollars

(If I had a million dollars)

Well, I’d buy you a GrainVac

Haven’t you always wanted a GrainVac?

 

If I had a million dollars

I’d stop your drift

If I had a million dollars

If I had a million dollars

If I had a million dollars

If I had a million dollars

If I had a million dollars

I would farm!

About the Author

Tom Wolf

Tom Wolf is based in Saskatoon, SK and has 35 years research experience in the spraying business. He obtained his BSA (1987) and M.Sc. (1991) in Plant Science at the University of Manitoba, and his Ph.D. (1996) in Agronomy from the Ohio State University. Tom focuses on practical advice that is research-based to improve the efficiency of producers.

Do More With This Article

Want to use this article in your own work? Print it or use our citation generator below.

Reference
Wolf, Tom. (2019). If I had a Million Dollars – Parody. Sprayers 101. https://sprayers101.com/million-dollars/ (Accessed on April 23, 2026 at 11:20)
Print This Article

Read More

The author of this article also recommends:

Search Sprayers 101

Search our archive of expert-written, data-driven analysis of spraying techniques, equipment, strategies, and more.